Christmas Message to My Kids: Keeping it Simple

    John  3:16 "For God So loved the world,  He gave His only begotten Son."

     Some times in my life I havent' been able to give much.  And some times I go overboard.  Balance?  Me?  It used to be a struggle for me at Christmas time.  How much should i give this one or that one.  What does this person or that person need?  Sometimes my Christmas giving has been stymied by feelings of guilt or by feelings of trying to prove I was better than I was or competing with another parent or grandparent wanting you all to think that I was something other than I really am.    

     Sometimes I wish I could wrap things up and make things look like they belong on the floor room showcase at Macy's in the mall.   I wanted things to be perfect and even paid for people to help me out in that department sometimes.   I did these things because I wanted your growing up to at least have Christmas be O.K. and somewhat "normal".  The devil, tries to tell us that you need this or that in your life to be alright.  The deceiver, wants us to think that in order to be a respectable human you better chase it, pursue it, because if you don't you can't be loved.  I one time had a thought that I should cancel the big day all together because couldn't possibly live up to the grandiose idea of what my intentions were for you guys.  Sometimes I just got drunk. 

   In the book of Matthew 7:12  Jesus charges his disciples to go to every town and not bring any stuff with them to spread the message of love.  He asks them to bring themselves, that they are all the equipment they need.    God has a plan and a design for each and everyone of us.   He gave us Jesus to rescue us from our sins and give us everlasting life, and  we can catch a glimpse of it day by day.  He loves us that much.  

      The enemy wants us to look at our family dynamics and tell us, things are screwed up,  we aren't as good as other Christians.  Maybe we have heard others in meanness utter those words to our ears.  Maybe because of our own selfish sinful ways we expect too much from each other and live in a spirit of envy and want, and jealousy.  After all we all want something we see on t.v. or the internet or maybe even on someones feet.    No one is perfect.   My life has been a living testimony of that.   

      Here is the good news.  Things are different for me today and still not perfect.  I was wrapping a few gifts tonight to get ready for our big day.  I was thinking about my Christmases past and present, even ones when I was a kid, and memories of you guys.   I was flooded with a feeling of peace and happiness and joy. God put His great Christmas gift to us all in one package.  In a week or so we will all get together to celebrate our Christmas.  God's message is simple. He chose.  He chose us.  He loves.  He loves us. He gives.  He gives to us. Unconditionally!   He chose to give His Love to us.  He wants us to try love. Just as he chose to give through His love for us; He want us to choose to give love.   Jesus came from a blended family too, and it was perfect and good because it had Love.  I can't wait to have all of you at Penguin Lodge together as a family.  Our family dynamic has changed for each of us and all in different ways. It may not be perfect to the eyes of the world, but it is ours, and I wouldn't trade it for any other. There is single  simple package for everyone waiting for you when you come.  So come and come often.  You are all the equipment we need.

  

     

Domesticati

     To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds. (Ephesians 4:22-23)




      When I studied Shakespeare I specifically remember Professor O'Kelly form the University of North Dakota telling me that the words , "king", "kin", and "kind" were like warning signs that something dreadful was about to happen in one of his plays.   I am nowhere in the league of Shakespeare, but my ego would like to give it a try at warning the reader about, my warning words.   So if you come across my words, or in conversation with me hear , "I had this thought," you can be assured that something is about to happen.
     I had the good fortune one time to spend a couple years trapping fur in northern MN.   It was a good time in my life.  Although physically demanding and forcing me to be mentally tough,  I gained a lot of satisfaction pursuing the man vs. nature thing.   I would spend my days out in sloughs working muskrat huts, and nights up until midnight putting up fur pelts.  I had managed to put a little heat in a shed out back. and the fur began to pile up.  And as Winter progressed it became harder keeping the little shed warm.
     One day I had this thought that if I moved my pelting operation into my kitchen I could save a few cold nights in the skinning shed.   So I did.   It worked out pretty good for awhile.   Then I had this other thought that if I took a few muskrats that were frozen solid and placed them in my shower to thaw out, that maybe I could get a few more done during my skinning session.  So I did.  And that too seemed to work.
    Then one day after taking regular showers in the springtime the drain became clogged, and upon further investigation by someone who tried to unclog it found all sorts of muskrat hair as the culprit to the dilemma of clogged plumbing.   Not a happy day.  And today I am grateful those wild adventures are behind me.
    Lately,  I have spending time in Williston.,  and planning a short honeymoon with my beautiful new bride.  I don't know a whole lot of people.  And the adventurer in me has found a little satisfaction in getting to know a few people.  So yesterday I wandered over to the pawn shop across the street.   Nice guys.   A pail of ice-fishing rods caught my eye and at a bargain price they sold them to me.   Baby will need some ice poles when we take our little adventure to Lake Kabetogema.   So I bought them.   Then I had this thought.  I thought that Lake Sacajawea must have some walleyes in it, and that maybe one day i should want to fish there.  So I drove down to Scenic Sports, the local sports and bait shop.   I picked out some pretty lures,  some new line,  inquired about the rules, asked where to go fishing, you know, all the stuff  guys needs to have and know about fishing in a strange new and wonderful land.
     A hundred bucks later I had this thought,  that If I told my plight to the beautiful Brenda, she would see and understand my strange and wonderful dilemma, that in winter in the northern  tier of the U.S., a guy should probably have a fish shanty, and that the cost of buying one may not be in the budget, but the cost of building may be.   She agreed.
      So this morning,  after doing what I needed to do, I picked up the material to build a humble little ice-fishing shanty.  No big deal.
     Then I had this thought, that maybe I could get building on it today while Brenda was at school.   Then reality hit me and said, "Dude! It's -15!  It's cold outside.  It's too cold to build it in the garage today."  And Reality was right.
     Then I had this thought, that if I cut out all the pieces in the garage and brought them into the house to assemble this fine inspiration, and completed it,  I would have the shanty dilemma solved.   So I pursued the thought into the kitchen.  I noticed that Brenda's floors were real nice and shiny and clean and made out of wood.  They might get scratched.   So I pursued the thought into the living room.  The floors were the same there.  So I pursued the thought down into the basement on the carpet where nothing would get scratched and then realized that it would be hard to get the assembled product up the stairs.   But that didn't stop me.
I bargained, justified, plead with myself,  "Just how Bunky are you going to get this done?"
     Then I had this thought of Brenda coming home to an unfinished or finished ice house inside her house.   I came to realize that it would probably resemble something  to the precise extent of "The Bonny Incident" from the movie Pulp Fiction,.    And that maybe after only 5 days of marital bliss it would abruptly come to an end. And that also I really enjoy peace and tolerance way more than i can bare chaos and turmoil.   And also it being minus 25 over the next couple days i would just be lying to myself and the reader to pretend that I would actually go out fishing out in this weather.
     So as of right now, the material can just sit in the back of my truck for a warmer day.   And I can giggle at the committee in my head that forms these strange wonderful ideas.  Look forward to an evening cuddling up to my beautiful wife and just listening about her days adventures.   And know in my heart that if I can take the next beautiful thought that comes into my mind captive, I might get to do it again tomorrow.

Oilfield Trash? HMMMMM

    James 1:10  But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position because he will pass away like a wild flower.

 I watched her walk down the aisle, escorted kindly by her son, Bob, and Duane, her dad.   Instead of carrying cookies or a pan of hot dish she was carrying a bouquet of pink roses and daisies.  Instead of wearing slacks and a sweater, she wore a knock out white dress, and white stilettos on her feet which no way came close to elevating her stature to the size of her character.  Brenda and I got together in front of God and our families in Fairview, Montana on Saturday and got married.
     The night before I was visiting with 3 of my sons.   They were proud to be in Williston.  They were awed by the traffic and sights.   In many ways it wasn't so much different than the home they are used to, but they sort of came to an understanding of what is happening out here, with the fracking of oil shale, the jobs and the economy it is creating.  My son Dakota proudly and humorously displayed a hoody and sweatpants touting "North Dakota....  Bakken.... Oilfield Trash."
      It was right after many laughs, we went down to the pool for a quick splash.   When I opened the door to the pool, I was instantly greeted buy the sound of Mariachi music, the smell of cumin infused food, and the unmistakable laugh of an old friend.   "Buenos Noches mi amigo," exclaimed the unique familiar voice of no other than Jose Jimenez.  We exchanged a few handshaking formalities.  I offered him pizza and he gave me one of his delicious burritos.   I never did quite understand how or why he was at the hotel, the same as mine.  It was just good to say hi.   Go figure!
    Today, i dropped Brenda off at the school where he works, and I will soon go to pick her up.   I worked on the laundry, some business, and finally got a chance to blog a few thoughts.
     Today I was thinking about the first time I had left for Williston this fall.  I specifically remember the wild daisies by my mail box.  How quiet it was when I left... and when i returned both to Penguin Lodge this Fall and to Penguin Terrace this Winter in my new home.   A lot is happening.  Domestication... Life.  A lot is happening here too out in the patch and on the line...  families are still getting together for celebrations, still going to work,  still worrying about grandmas,  still coming together before God and following Him.
      The daisies in the bouquet may wither, and the ones by the mailbox may be dormant,  but the last I heard Jesus is not on the cross anymore because He is alive and with us.     To others we may be oilfield trash, but to people like me we are all just a bunch of God's children  trying to be in the Bakken.

The Reunion

         

2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV /         

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

    
    
     I got home after a few projects.  
No parties, no big celebrations, just coming home after a season in the Bakken.    I can't describe the feeling I had driving home.   I wasn't coming home to a messy house at least in the cluttery sense or my family relationships.  The kids had been calling and saying, "Dad!  We are coming over."  
So I get to spend quality time with the kids. YAY!!!    I get to see my Bill W. and Dr. Bob friends, and they are ok.    I get to reconnect with my friends at First Lutheran.    Then, I have been making plans with my hunting buddies brad, Ryan and Ralph and a few others, like my brother...  He wants me not to stir the pot with them, especially Bradley who has it coming for getting his name in the paper for doing stupid stuff this summer.
     It's nice getting reacquainted with my home at Penguin Ranch.   I don't like reorganizing my closets, its not easy for me to do.  Its an ADD thing.  I can be putting pants on my shelf and with three pair on the bed, I suddenly realize that I am outside by the well house wiring in the electricity to the well house heater, so I go back in the house and do dishes.  later that day I go upstairs to clean the bathroom, and when I see my pants on the bed,  I say to myself, "Oh yeah,  I need to ...go wash my socks."  Somehow, sometime before bed time, I see that my pants willed themselves to the closet when I was making meals for the kids and doing kitchen duties...  I'm telling you!
     New projects: not at the moment.  But the teen rocket scientists of my residence are building an ice fishing shack out of my camper...  doing a great job too by the way.  My initial doubts have been shattered.  
      Now here is the kicker.  Going back to the Bakken on Thursday.   The puzzled reader would ask, "Why with all this good stuff would he take off and go right away?"   The answer is quite simple.  I leave early Thursday morning on the Empire Builder from Grand Forks to Williston.   There I will reunite with my Williston group of friends and spend a delightful evening with the beautiful Brenda.  Friday afternoon we depart from Williston in her cute little Pontiac to spend an awesome weekend bonding through Christ planning on and deer camp at Penguin Lodge.... planning an awesome life together.   I love her. 

  In one year everything has changed, it hasn't been always easy or fun, or full of laughter, but through the salvation of Jesus Christ it has been worthwhile,  and that has what has made the difference

Camp Life

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor

      It has been an interesting summer.    Been on two jobs with three companies.  Many of the guys are like me ,  out here on a pipeline, some new faces and some old.  
     I was making dinner last week.  I was enjoying a little bit of peace and quiet.    Then someone came into my hovel.  I was getting a new roommate.    Something seemed familiar with the way he came in and I recognized the voice, but something had changed.  The clean cut Hispanic man was now sporting longer hair wrapped neatly in a pony tail.  I immediately recognized the big smile behind a full beard and moustache.  "Oof Da Tomas," exclaimed the friendly voice.  "You not been eating vegi burritos, have you."  The only voice it could have been poking fun at my tummy was none other than Jose Jimenez.
     We exchanged stories of our families, caught up on our latest adventures in the Bakken oil patch, and sat down and shared a meal.  It was just like working together last winter.  I fixed a little something and he made a little something.
     Lately my weekends consist of getting details worked out with  the impending marriage to the beautiful Brenda.  Jose goes on adventures with his Latino friends.  Its all good. When I return back to the man camp on Sunday nights, Brenda has my cooler loaded full of goodies for the week.  I have found that Rice Crispy bars, chocolate chip cookies, and apple crisp are good barter for a plate of spaghetti, or an occasional burrito.
     Brenda has been introducing me to people in her community and my new friend Eric gave me a shirt from the Williston High School band.   I am scheming on something to show him  that he is a friend.  I like the guy, a rarity out here, a fellow democrat... I hope.  Of course there are others on my backfilling crew.   
     I ran into a fellow that I worked with on my first pipeline job... a sober guy who seen me go back out after 13 years.  It's amazing how things work out.  He's seen me sober again and had almost lost hope figuring I would never come back to sanity.    
    Today I am grateful that I was sane when I met my friend Jose and others that I have met during the last year... they are much easier reunions than those I bump into out here on the line than those that have seen my sick and crazy.   For them, I had nothing real and  to give. And that is what  they remember , and makes it hard for them to accept boundaries.  Boundaries are important in a mancamp in the Bakken.
  
    

Open Doors

"For I know the plans I have for your," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

    Got laid off after a 5 short weeks of work.  Its a long story.  Layoffs seem to put a damper on my plans of prosperity and security, and I must guard my door to let negative thoughts come in.  Sometimes it feels like so many doors are being shut.  Experience shows me that it is quite the contrary.
      I have been thinking about doors lately;  both in a symbolic reference to my life,  and also in a literal sense having installed a couple in my home. There are many doors in my house, but only three of them enter into my home. 
     The first one is screwed shut.  It leads into my basement.  I absolutely hated it as a kid.  It was the one that we carried wood into the house. Its function was simply for work.  And when we opened it.  It meant sweat.  It meant not fun.  It also meant future warmth in the home and a clean aroma of fresh air in the house in the winter months along with aroma of sap  and popple bark.
     The next one leads into my kitchen area from the outside.  I had a pretty nice one there.  But the door jamb was broken.  The latch would lock by itself, and I never had a key.  So people living in my home on occasion would either hope the basement wasn't screwed shut, or a window latch left undone so they could crawl in or stumble down some rickety old stairs into a dark place; and  eventually, through some exerted effort find a way to get in.  I got a new door and frame hung it and finished it off with a modern lock and a handle made of deer antler. 
    The last door goes out onto the new deck. When dad moved in this old rickety house in 1980,  it came complete with an overhanging porch on the west end of the house.  It had an old door. But the only thing missing was the rest of the porch: no floor, no railings..  If a person would open the door and walk out, he would fall about three feet down into a sterile clump of dirt that because of the great overhang never got wet. So nothing ever grew.  But the cats seemed to scratch in it and leave plenty of cat scent.  An occasional dog over the years would dig a hole.  A few weeds would grow on the edge where water dripped off the roof.  When I moved in, I took out the door and covered it with plywood and finished off the inside saying to myself, "Maybe one day if only..."  It seemed like a hopeless pipe dream.  Then one day happened. 
     It started when the weather broke.  I was laid off and had a little time,  so I built a deck under the great over hang. I wanted the house looking better for the new love in my life.  But I finally had the means and that porch had been bugging me since I was a kid.  I wanted this place looking better. I wanted my kids and all who know me that Bunky is back.  I wanted my house to reflect the person I really am.   Its a great pleasure to see the look of approval on Brenda's face when she comes to visit from out west and see things  improving.  After all, this place will soon be hers also.
    Finally after the deck was done, I get laid off again get a little time off and I woke up one day with the determination to get a door in so people can walk right out onto the deck, the deck with an old overhang that had been sitting empty with nothing underneath it for 33 years.
     Here is the thing,  for the last 5 years a small project like this would have been unfathomable.  Overcome with fear, guilt, economic insecurity, resentments, and paralyzed by the depression of alcoholism, the old house with the messed up doors would have remained screwed shut.  The beauty and freedom of a simple home would have remained hidden and just remained barely functional as a sleeping- eating place possibly for another 33 years.  I didn't build it.  I didn't hang the doors.  God did.
    Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  Matthew 7:7-8 NIV.  It was only the pain of dealing with a great change of life that brought me to my knees.  It was that pain that lead me to recommit my life to Christ, to examine my life as it was and is,  to live in a solution that gives me the power to solve all my problems.   My heart was hard and cold.  So hard and brittle that it was shattered.  And with a hole in my heart, God's love shined through.  John 3:16  For God so loved the world he gave his only one and only Son.   Now Jesus is the doorway. 
     When it seems like doors are being shut in one's life, God opens so many more. 
"In the New Testament, Jesus tells us to knock at the door, but also warns that the door will someday close and shut out the unprepared.  James warns us that the Judge is at the door.  We do not have forever to decide.  And finally, in Revelations, it is He who knocks at our doors, and waits for us to let Him in.    And the final reference in Revelations is of a "door standing open to heaven"  -- Hope is fulfilled." (Willa: Quotidian Reader).  
    People are much like a house.  We also have our own personal doors to let in and out both good and bad.  We can put up storm doors, or leave them unlocked. We can leave them wide open or put on good locks.  We can put decorations on them, or we can smear  lamb's blood on our door post.  We choose which doors we want to open.  Door A: same old blah blah blah!- restless, irritable, and discontent.  Door B: God's world of love and endless possibilities.
       A big door is opening in my life once again preparing a home and planning a life with Brenda.  She enhances my walk toward Christ and encourages my walk toward the narrow gate.  She consistently reminds me of the bigger picture of life, the unseen one that God has planned for each and everyone of us when we choose to walk that narrow path.  That path isn't always fun,  never is easy, but is always worthwhile.  Thank God for doors... may they continue to open and close. As for me and my house and all who enter in it, we will serve the Lord.
  

Unsensible

     Sometimes when Jupiter is in-line with Mars, and when the moon is in the third phase crazy events shape and mold our lives in obscure ways.   I often wonder what puppet master is controlling the Universe to his egotistical delight.  Superstitious as that line of thought is, it is also insensible.  A person of the scientific natue may agree with that statement, but I am not scientific, for science hasn't cured anything with my crazy life, or made anything alright.  So only spiritual reasonings can justify the things that make sense in mhy life today.  For me life changing events are in overdrive, but in my life lately they seem to be on cruise control.

     I made it back out on the line last week.   What a change it has been from the world of my home.  No more sleeping in.  Putting gas in the tank more often.   Dealing with co-workers.  I even get to see my fiancé more often.  Also, I don't get to see the kids as much, and that is a big change, even though we talk as much as they want to, and often.

     Nevertheless, the biggest change that I see is the one of recognition of myself as one of God's children.  I had a hard time describing or putting into words what I was feeling with all this change.  It wasn't a bad thing.   I just felt a need to acknowledge it, to pin it down, to name it, perhaps to own it, or at least apprehend it so that I could comprehend it.
     Then today it happened, or actually it began yesterday.   I was at the Roosevelt Park zoo in Minot with Brenda on Thursday.  what a great place to go and just hang out, and talk about things.   Yes, we have even more to talk about lately.  Yep, that's right... getting hitched. 
     Anyway, two exhibits really caught my attention.   The giraffes and zebras and huge cats were way so cool, but it was the North American animals that  captivated my interests.    First stop was the wolves.   It was neat to see how shy they were, yet in the the presence of full awareness.  they constantly paced the boundaries of their fence, and when seemingly frustrated, they crawled into their den. It wasn't like watching wolves in the wild, and I have been blessed to see them play in the wild and watch them play, and wished I had that wild freedom.
     The second stop that grabbed me were the bears.  Grizzly Bears.  They seemed so much like beggars, and selfish fighting for theirs space.     Just longing to be on the outside.   To me,  they were wild animals and shouldn't be in a cage, yet they were provided for, in good health,  and , yet just not happy.    It  seems that people have the tendency to project their emotions onto animals, and we want to think they were not happy, when as far as a wolf or bear goes, they had all the could need.
     Today out on the line, we were working through some rancher's cow pasture.   Low and behold, fences seemed to keep getting in our way.   We have to open them to get out machines through, and close them right away behind us to make sure the farmer's cow's don't get out through the hole we make.  You would think it wouldn't make a difference when half the calves are running outside the fence anyway it seems.  Some of the critters  spend half their day trying to get back in like this one calf who paced back and forth for three hours trying to get his way back into the fence to be with the others.  
    It is all part of the job and we do it anyway.   Then it dawned on me.  Psalm 23 says, "He leads me to green pastures."   Before  I was like a wild animal,  resenting boundaries and seeing myself as a caged wolf or bear.  One who did not belong with others of domesticated variety.  Now  that I define myself as a child of God, I see myself as more like that stray calf, having tested the realm of the world outside the fence.  I long to get back in with others like me, a member of the human-race, the Beloved.  And it is within these boundaries that one finds true freedom and happiness.  As a wild animal the thought of it all would seem unsensible.
     Today  I got up early, went to work,  paid my bills, drove the speed limit for the most part, helped others around me,  I gave thanks for what I had,  I told the people that mean the most to me that I loved them.     I kept myself clean,  and I am grateful that I  see 44 when I never believed that I would live to see 30.  Thank you God for making me your child, and for the pain and scars of the barbed wire when I slipped back underneath the fence.